Opening[]
We're shown San Francisco at broad daylight. A streak of blue light flies over a nearby skyscraper, followed by a futuristic flying machine, firing lasers and causing explosions. We zoom in, revealing the blue streak to be Sonic. A man inside the machine, Dr. Robotnik, grunts and leans back and forth to steer his flying contraption. Eventually, the footage freezes, complete with a vinyl screech]
Sonic (vo): So, I know what you're thinking... (as the footage starts back up) "Why is that incredibly handsome hedgehog being chased by a madman with a mustache from the Civil War?"
[The chase continues]
Sonic (vo): Well, to be honest, it feels like I've been running my whole life. Is this too much? Am I going too fast? It's kind of what I do. You know what? Let's back up.
[Sonic imitates the sound of a video being played back while the footage is rewinded, eventually cutting to black. As Hyper Potions' Friends starts to play, a beautiful island emerges out of a line of clouds, a photo-realistic version of Green Hill Zone from the first Sonic game. Sonic gives a narration as we zoom in. That same blue streak of light races over the island as the opening credits roll]
Sonic (vo): This is the Island where I'm from. It had everything: sandy beaches, cascading waterfalls…
[The streak flies through a gigantic loop-de-loop]
Sonic (vo): Public access to loop-de-loops.
[We hear the streak cheering in excitement as it races over a ramp, before landing at the tail end of another ramp]
Sonic (vo): And I never had to catch a school bus, because I could run across the entire island in less than two seconds.
[We see that the streak (big shock) is a young Sonic, looking rather reminiscent of his classic video game self. The younger Sonic keeps on running, and even curls up into a ball, while the older Sonic continues his story]
Sonic (vo): Also, there was no school. I know, pretty sweet island, right?
Baby Sonic: (flying high in the sky) Yeah!
[The speedster continues his journey. Jumping everywhere, running over bridges…]
Sonic (vo): I was born with extraordinary powers and was told to keep them secret. And like any kid, I did the exact opposite.
[...before reaching a small cottage. Sonic rolls inside and bumps into his sleeping caretaker, Longclaw the Owl. She wakes up, Sonic laughs, lying on the floor]
Sonic (vo): That's Longclaw. She took care of me. She was basically Obi-Wan Kenobi… if Obi-Wan Kenobi had a beak and ate mice.
Longclaw: (concerned) Sonic! Someone could have seen you.
Baby Sonic: (not worried) No one saw me. (running in place) I'm too fast. And… (holds out a sunflower) I wanted to bring you this.
Longclaw: (endeared) Ah...
[But then she looks up in horror. Several masked echidnas have surrounded the house, arching bows]
Longclaw: (grabbing Sonic) Get down!
[She closes the door, just as several arrows fly into it. One flies through the window, straight through the flower Sonic had been holding. Outside, the tribe comes closer]
Sonic (vo): Turns out with great power comes great power-hungry bad guys. And I led them right to us.
[They appear through the broken windows, holding nets. Longclaw flies straight through one of the windows, holding Sonic in her claws. The echidna continue to fire, eventually hitting the owl in her flank. Longclaw grunts and falls on the ground. She gets up and puts Sonic back on his feet]
Longclaw: Listen carefully, Sonic. You have a power unlike anything I have ever seen, and that means someone will always want it. The only way to stay safe is to stay hidden.
[Longclaw grabs a golden ring out of a pouch she's carrying. The owl throws it away. The ring widens, it becomes a portal to a dark, different world]
Longclaw: This world is on the far side of the universe. You should be safe there.
Baby Sonic: I don't wanna go without you.
Longclaw: You must. (hands over the pouch) These rings will be your most important possession.
[She looks up and gasps. The Echidna Tribe has found them and chases towards Sonic]
Longclaw: If you're ever discovered, use one. (pushing Sonic to the portal) Never stop running. Now, go!
[The small hedgehog sprints through the portal. At a distance, he sees Longclaw, spreading her wings to protect the entrance]
Baby Sonic: (scared, running back) Longclaw!
[The owl looks over her shoulder as the portal starts to shrink]
Longclaw: (sad) Goodbye, Sonic...
Baby Sonic: No!
[The ring dematerializes, just before Sonic can jump through it]
Baby Sonic: No!
[The young Sonic shakily breathes in and out. He's alone. The title card appears: Kieran Meets SONIC THE HEDGEHOG. Cut to black, before we're shown the present day]
Ten years later/Welcome to Green Hills, Montana/Sonic's lonely life[]
Green Hills, Montana
Ten Years Later
[All we see is a highway, a sign and a police car hidden behind the sign. Inside, a police officer, Tom Wachowski, holds out a laser gun. Not that it is needed. There's not a single car to be seen]
- Tom: Come on, one car?
[He briefly lowers the device and shakes his hand. To pass the time, he imitates how he would track a speeding car, until he accidentally knocks the gun against his jaw]
- Tom: I'm bored!
- Wade (vo): (heard through the police radio) Tom? Do you read me? Are you there?
[Tom talks to his colleague with a communicator]
- Tom: (sarcastically) No, Wade. I'm actually on a yacht in Barbados. With Rihanna.
[We cut to the police station, where Wade stands next to his desk]
- Wade: (oblivious) OMG... (laughs) That's amazing, please send pics.
- Tom: No, Wade. I'm at the speed track.
- Wade (vo): Already?!
[Cutting back]
- Wade: How did you get back so fast? Barbados is in the ocean.
[It's clear that Wade isn't the sharpest tool in the shed]
- Tom: (seeing something) Hang on. I think I got something...
[Tom grabs his tracking device and aims it at... a turtle. A beep, its speed is registered: 1 MPH]
- Tom: (yelling at the turtle) Hey, buddy! Where's the fire?! There are kids living around here. (lifting his hand) I thought it was kind of fun, sorry...
[He chuckles and takes his sunglasses off, just as something passes the laser gun, lying on the dashboard. It reads 290 miles per hour]
- Tom: (confused) What?
[As the young officer pats against the device, thinking it's broken, we see a slightly older Sonic with along side chuck and buck, hanging down behind the car. Tom resets the timer, just in time for Sonic to pass it again: 300 MPH. Tom is stunned and Sonic and chuck excited, doing a fist bu- Err, pump, fist pump. Tom looks around and leaves the car. As he looks through the field nearby, he finds something. A blue quill. He picks it up and looks at it from all sides]
- Wade (vo): Tom, we need you down on Main Street. There's been a violent gang shootout.
[Cut to the police car being driven away]
- Wade (vo): (laughing) Just kidding, a duck stole a bagel. But they do need it back.
[The turtle continues its tremendously slow walk, but another car drives towards it. Just as it's about to drive over the poor animal, Sonic speeds by and pulls it out of the car's way]
- Sonic: (to the turtle) Whoa, buddy. Almost got yourself killed out there. (softly tapping its head) What are you, some kind of adrenaline junkie?
[Don't Stop Me Now from Queen starts to pick up in the background. Perfect song choice]
- Sonic: Must be rough, being slow all the time... (smiling) Tell you what, today is your lucky day.
[Freddie Mercury's vocals kick in. Sonic and the turtle he's holding are speeding across the highway]
- Sonic: Woohoo-hoo-hoo-hoo! Have you ever felt so alive?! (raises it in his left hand) This is great, you're doing amazing!
[Then the reptile flies out of Sonic's hand]
- Sonic: Oh, jeez!
[He quickly runs back, grabs it and continues his run]
- Sonic: (brushing it off) Good recovery! Woohoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!
[In a nearby forest, Sonic puts the shaking turtle back on the ground]
- Sonic: Let's keep this our little secret, okay? You never saw me. (waving his arms dramatically) I was never here...
[He races away. POV shot, Sonic runs through the forest until he reaches his hideout: a cave, decked out with several things he presumably "borrowed" throughout the years. Sonic quickly runs around the place, playbacking, doing push ups, playing guitar while jumping off his bean bag and jumping rope, all by himself. He also narrates himself, as the hedgehog swirls around in a suspended tire with his guitar]
- Sonic (vo): So, what were you expecting? A dirty little hedgehog, eating berries and struggling to survive? Think again, because I am living my best life on Earth.
[Sonic then reads quickly through a collection of Flash comics...]
- Sonic (vo): I've got a library...
[...runs through a broken washing machine, taking his own pulse…]
- Sonic (vo): ...a home gym...
[...and swings a pair of nunchucks around]
- Sonic: Whoa!
Sonic (vo): ...and a state-of-the-art security system.
[He knocks himself out. Sonic then starts to play table tennis by himself. In the most literal sense of the word. He knocks the ball back and forth on the makeshift ping pong table, built out of cans and a signpost. Hill Top Rd… He then accidentally knocks away the ring pouch, spilling its contents. The song abruptly stops]
- Sonic: (worried) Oh, no...
[He quickly puts the rings back where they belong, before unfolding a map]
- Sonic (vo): And if I'm ever discovered, I'll follow Longclaw's instructions and escape to a new planet.
[This planet is shown on the map, along with several others, modeled after SEGA and Sonic easter eggs]
- Sonic (vo): A nice safe little world, filled only with mushrooms.
[He throws one of the rings to create a portal. It shows this planet in all of its… glory?]
- Sonic (vo): Gross, smelly mushrooms...
- Sonic: I hate mushrooms.
Ending[]
[The movie's logo appears, just like at the opening. Afterwards, we're shown a mid-credits scene. On the mushroom planet, we see how Robotnik shaves his head bald with a piece of shrapnel. His face is reflected in a puddle of water]
- Dr. Robotnik: My grasp on sanity remains absolute.
[He looks to his right and we see that he is a different man. His mustache has become longer, more curly and orange and his nose red (possibly due to a bruising or something). A standard Eggman look]
- Dr. Robotnik: Isn't that right, Agent Stone?
[He's talking to Stone, all right. A literal stone, with Stone's face carved into it, reminiscent of Wilson in Cast Away. Robotnik picks up the rock. As we zoom out, we see that he has gained some weight]
- Dr. Robotnik: Why don't you get a headstart?
[He throws the rock away]
- Dr. Robotnik: Do some rock-connaissance! (laughs,
looking around, raspy voice) Rock-connaissance! Come on, that's hilarious! (punches a nearby mushroom) What's the matter with you?!
[He grabs his LCD armstrap of the ground]
- Dr. Robotnik: Here's the sitch… Uninhabited planet.
[He picks up the remains of his Eggmobile, strapped together with a healthy number of mushrooms on top]
- Dr. Robotnik: No resources, no supplies. (hoists the load on his back) No apparent way home. (chuckles) A lesser man would die here.
[Robotnik lifts the tube containing Sonic's quill, still containing energy]
- Dr. Robotnik: I'll be home by Christmas...
[He puts his glasses on, does his robot act...]
- Dr. Robotnik: Zzt, zzt, zzt, zzt...
[...and paces forward as the camera pulls out, showing the sheer scope of the planet: mushrooms on mushrooms on mushrooms… Robotnik picks Stone back up and throws it further along the path, groaning]
- Dr. Robotnik: Rock-connaissance! (crazy laughter) Come on, cheer up!
[before we're shown another mid-credits scene. We pan over the litany of pine trees surrounding Green Hills. Then, several leaves are starting to levitate on a nearby cliff. A ring portal opens and something jumps through it, a yellow fox with two tails, wearing red and white shoes. It's Miles Prower, nicknamed Tails, looking at something on a device he's holding]
- Tails: If these readings are accurate, he's here. (smiles) I found him. (determined) I just hope I'm not too late...
[He jumps off the cliff, before flying upwards with his whirling tails. He speeds to Green Hills, ending the movie and returning us to the credits]
